the Month of September
is really just
About two weeks ago the weather finally changed here, and now Autumn has arrived at last. Hooray! The perfect time for a "Halloween"-story.
Well, in a manner of speaking.
I probably should have told this story back when it actually happened. But it was still way too hot then, and I really wasn't in the mood to write this down. Besides, I had other things to do.
So, three weeks ago on this day, I had to go to the dentist for my annual cleaning.
I generally don't remember faces (or much of anything else these days), but I had a feeling that I had never met this particular dental assistant before.
I was trying to get comfortable in the chair, as she was preparing her equipment, and all the while the radio was playing in the background. The programme had switched from music to a news bit about the current energy crisis, and, amongst other things, ideas to switch off the streetlights in certain areas at night were being discussed, but ultimately abandoned, because people would just feel too scared and creeped out by the mere thought of this …
… at which point the dental assistant, who had obviously been listening to the broadcast, said:
„Even with the streetlights ON it gets pretty damn creepy here after dark!"
As I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, I let the scenery of my (occasional) nightly walks pass before my inner eye … and I was just about to reply that,
, there most certainly are some places here that could be straight out of a horror movie, when she suddenly asked me, whether I had ever heard of the movie
, and if I knew who
Slightly amused by the stupidity of the question (I mean, look at me, woman!), I politely replied:
"Yes, of course, I do".
"Are you from around here?"
, she continued.
"Yes, why do you ask?"
, I answered truthfully, failing to see the relevance.
"It's just no longer safe around here!"
she replied, and then proceeded to tell me about this "weird guy" that had been spotted in the area after dark, who was apparently creeping around in the fields and down by the river … and who her daughter had even caught on video five nights ago (around 11:00 PM), as he was exiting the local graveyard. He was all dressed in black, with flashing green LED lights on his hands, and wearing a full-on
MICHAEL MYERS Halloween mask
on his head. She had already forwarded the video to all her friends as a warning, to be careful when they go out at night!
Nobody knows, who this guy is!"
she concluded her story.
I processed the information for a second and exclaimed:
"Bitch, THAT'S ME !!!"
(Note: I obviously didn't actually say "bitch", because we were speaking German and it would have terribly rude.
However, I would totally have said it, had this been a conversation in English).
The LEDs are
on my hands, but dangling from my belt, my keyring, and are on my shoes … and I only wear the silly things, so I don't get run over by all those asshole cyclists in the fields, who come straight at you in the dark without a single fucking light on their damn bikes. Oh, and I most certainly
DO NOT WEAR A FUCKING MICHAEL MYERS MASK!
Geeeez, where is this bullshit coming from?!"
At first she didn't believe me.
So I showed her the light on my keyring, and told her exactly what route I walk at night.
She took out her phone and showed me the video.
IT WAS OBVIOUSLY ME!
I pointed out the position of the LEDs on my clothes, and how it might perhaps
that they were on my hands. I also instantly recognised where the video had been taken, and told her the precise location (which was only about 100 meters away from the graveyard).
Finally, she saw that I was speaking the truth, and we had a laugh about it.
When I left, I turned around and said:
Seriously though … a MICHAEL MYERS mask?!?"
to which she replied:
Well, I guess, the youth of today don't pay that close attention anymore"
Yeah, no shit, woman!
She then gave me two small tubes of toothpaste, and I was a happy Goddess again. ;)
Anyway, the moral of this story is that most people are fucking RETARDED and because of this scary truth, WITCH HUNTS will forever be just around the corner! :/
P.S.: For the record … that dumb idiot Michael Myers sucks, and HALLOWEEN is a moronic franchise. I can tolerate John Carpenter's original movie, because it's a "classic" and has a nice atmosphere (and because Donald Pleasence is fun), but it's still a stupid movie. The only good sequel is the unwanted stepchild
, which also happens to have one of the BEST soundtracks in cinema history!!!
Don't even try to argue with me. I am old enough to be your mother!