I am fabulous. I can't help it. I was born this way.

So you better believe me when I tell you that

ALL FABULOUS CREATURES DESPISE XMAS

(

and all things related

)

.
 
I didn't make this up. It's a universal law.

 
 
December is the time of year when all frustrated housewives are pestering everyone in their vicinity with their homemade cookies ... which would only be half as annoying, if they had at least a grain of talent for baking. Or a sense of modesty, for that matter. A simple

"NO, thank you! I don't want any cookies!

" never seems to have ANY effect whatsoever ... - other than you ending up with an even larger bag of their kitchen cum.
 

But last year I finally discovered the solution to this problem.
I learned it from

HAN SOLO

...
 

I SHOOT FIRST !!!

 
So, these days, wherever I go, I always carry small bags of atrocious cookies with me ... and whenever I even begin to suspect anyone thinking about dumping their bonedry waste on me, I quickly reach into my coatpocket and beat them to it.

IT WORKS LIKE A CHARM!

Every single time.
 
 
(*insert evil laughter here*)