Oh, what a disappointment

.

 
A few days ago I finally purchased a copy of

Herman Melville

's

"Moby Dick"

, because I have always … sort of … wanted to read it. But when it eventually arrived on my doorstep (and I was flipping through it), I realised that I just wasn't in the right mood for it (and probably never will be).
 
So, instead, I opened my treasure-box of

not-yet-watched-video-atrocities

and picked Franc Roddam's horrible 1998 remake of that fabulous 1956 classic … - this time starring Captain Picard as "Ahab". -- (*grrr*)
 
I don't know what

exactly

I had been expecting, but with all these presumably horny guys sitting on that smelly old ship for years, constantly talking about

»

Sperm Whales

«

and

blowing here & blowing there

, I was - I guess - kinda hoping for some hot & salty

seaman-on-seaman action

...
 
Plus, there is this little 'house-boy'

Pip

, whose only job, apparently, is to lounge on deck all day, and occasionally "

shake the tambourine"

, whenever one of the fishermen is feeling the need for some ... umm ... "

music

". I mean, EXCUSE ME!
 
But, no ... nothing of the sort happened. All I got to see was piggy-eyed Paddy Stewart hammering it like there was no tomorrow … and Teddy Levine as "Starbuck" (ahem), who, unfortunately, wasn't allowed to take off his clothes either, thus missing a great opportunity to have him burst into another heartfelt lipstick-rendition of Q Lazzarus' "Goodbye Horses".

... I do.