FOREWORD:

 
This entire, idiotic descent into the rabbithole of analogue photography (and toy cameras) began, when I was re-arranging things in my library, and was reminded that I still had some expired films in one of the boxes. Not just the 126 film (which I mention in

), but also three rolls of ordinary 35mm film.
 
Since they obviously wouldn't get any fresher, I decided to

just shoot

them with sister's old point-and-click camera from the 90s (which was

my

camera now) and be done with it. The problem was just that: 1) everything here looks ugly and is just not worth being photographed ... and 2) the camera had somehow given up the ghost.
 
Though I still had an old SLR camera (albeit with a broken light sensor), having to use that one would have been way too much work. After all, this wasn't supposed to be "art", I just wanted to get rid of some old film.

I tried to order a used 90s point-and-click camera on ebay (for 10 Euros

or less

, with shipping included), but NONE of the three cameras I ended up buying actually worked, despite the description claiming otherwise.
 
Once I had my money refunded, I ordered a NEW point-and-click camera online. These all plastic "toy" cameras are referred to as "reuseable" now (which kinda makes you think

"wait, what?"

), but they are so cheaply made, they eventually

will

break on you, sooner or later. In fact, my camera already

arrived

in non-working condition, as the damn shutter didn't work.

 
So, I tried my luck on ebay again for one last time, and actually found a working half-frame camera from 1963 - the beautiful (and heavy)

CANON DEMI

- for

less

than a modern plastic camera. I only had to replace the light-seal. Cool.

Technically speaking, this is not

really

a point-and-click camera, because there are two things that you need to adjust before every picture: the combined aperture/exposure setting and the focus range. But it's quick and easy enough to more or less make it a point-and-click camera. (I thought, being overly optimistic.)

Inspired by the undeniably elegant design of this camera, I asked Alex (label), whether he might want to come on a daytrip with me (read:

chauffeur me

) at some point in October, so I could test this camera, finish my old roll(s) of film, and maybe turn the whole thing into a quasi-conceptual, semi-"artistic" project after all.
 
My plan was to bring the

CANON DEMI

to the very touristy (and very German) town of

Rüdesheim am Rhein

and take

mediocre snapshots of picturesque whatever

,

just like the

average

,

lonely, homosexual tourist

might have done in the 1960s

. Then have the film(s) developed, and - if the pictures turned out - arrange them into a photobook and release it

(along with a

spoken word/commentary CD

)

as a limited edition of maybe 100 copies (or less), just to get this silly analogue photography thing out of my head again.
 

It would have looked something like this:

(I can almost hear music in my head, by merely looking at this stylish bookcover.)

 
Anyway, the idea was that everytime I took a photo, I would then also use my phone and shoot a brief 360° video (by slowly spinning on my own axis), so that, when you looked at a photo in the book, you could also scan the QR-code underneath it and watch a video of the place where the photo had been taken.

It was a cute idea.

 
But as the days dragged on, my anxiety increased, and I got overwhelmed by the thought of having to ... well ... do any of it.

And then I thought: "Why even go through this at all? You KNOW how extremely stressful this will be for you, and how miserable you will feel. Remember how much you actually HATE analogue photography, with all its frustrating limitations! Why not leave the camera at home and ONLY use your phone instead? You could always

simulate

the look of analogue photos and expired film later on your computer. You know, you could."
 
Naturally, all this bullshit made me even more anxious, and I was about to call Alex and cancel the trip altogether, because none of it made sense anymore. Why even leave the house?
 

But then my phone

literally

went up in flames

, which basically took care of

that

problem:

No longer having a phone, I emailed Alex, explained my initial plan to him and asked, whether

he

could shoot those videos with

his

phone. It wouldn't have to be artistic. Just ordinary, touristy videos.
 

I also told him that it was quite possible that NOTHING would come out of this whatsoever, and that we would simply have a nice daytrip with nothing to show for in the end.

Thankfully, all that was OK with him.

Seilbahn - Funicular

The first ride and the start of our tour was the funicular. Admittedly, I felt slightly embarrassed having to actually say the words "

Romantic Tour

" out loud, when I paid for my ticket.

Interestingly, the people operating the gondolas looked a lot like old carnies to me. They probably

were

, too. I mean, it would make total sense.

 
The ride itself, over the vinyards, was rather nice. It was quiet, except for the ambient sounds of nature, and the oddly relaxing low hum and occasional rattle of the funicular itself.
 
I liked it.

So, we went to

Rüdesheim am Rhein ...

Niederwald Temple & Monument

 
The so-called "temple" is essentially just a stone gazebo, and the only thing that the hideous monument has going for it is that it's tall. That's it. There's nothing else. I honestly didn't understand why all these people were flocking in front of it, taking photos like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. But then again, most people have zero taste. So there is that.
 
The view of the Rhine valley from the terrasse in front of the monument was OK, though. You could hear the sounds of the ships on the river, which was unexpected (and therefore mildly interesting).
 

We then walked up the hill and

behind

the monument, because there were no people. I liked that much better!

Adlerwarte - Bird of Pray Demonstration

 
It was closed.
 
A quick internet search later revealed that it closed down for good in 2023. The owner couldn't afford it anymore. Here is a short (Germany language)

of it.
 
Too bad, really. It might have been interesting.
 
Also, this wasn't the only thing that doesn't exist anymore. Apparently, there used to be a

Medieval Torture Museum

and a

Toy Museum

in the town of Rüdesheim. Both permanently closed now. It's not too surprising, really. I mean, how can you possibly compete with things like

food

,

wine

and

trashy souvenirs

. After all, that's what (most) people come here for.

Whatever

 
The next points of interest along the way were basically a joke. It didn't really matter much, though, because I rather enjoyed merely walking through the autumn forest (I hadn't done that in a long time) and the occasional view was perfectly tolerable. Also, I didn't really have any expectations to begin with. All I was really hoping for was nice weather.
 
The following stop, however, was a great example for disappointed expectations...  ;)

Rittersaal - Knight's Great Hall

 
When you read titles such as "Knight's Great Hall", how can you NOT have images of Camelot (for example) pop up in your head? I mean, come on ...
 
Reality, however, was NOTHING like it.
 
Too bad that Alex' phone failed to record video of it, because the sight of the

underwhelming

nothingness

coming into frame, as we were slowly approaching this supposed "Great Hall", was pure comedy gold.  ;)

Zauberhöhle - Magic Cave

 
It's a 30 meter long, dark, damp, "medieval brick"-built tunnel with a small lightwell in the low ceiling of a round chamber in its centre, which is supposed to symbolise a spiritual journey (or used to, initially). Fittingly, you have to bend forward to walk through this tunnel.
 
This could have been really creepy   - in a Halloween-ish sort of way -   if there had been a scare-actor

(or an actually insane person)

sitting motionlessly in rotten FX-make-up on the floor in that small chamber, waiting for the unsuspecting visitors. Or, even better, a permanently installed statue of a horned demon. A spiritual awakening, indeed. ;)
 
But, as it is, it was still a cute, little pseudo-UrbEx adventure moment for kids.

And, yes, we

did

use the flashlight on Alex' phone. I guess it

was

"dangerous" enough for us after all.  (Pussies...)

Wildgehege - Game Enclosure

 
Lethargic deer behind a fence, on the property of a hunting-castle/hotel-restaurant.

Guess what's on the restaurant's menu.

 
Pretty much a depressing affair altogether.

Sessellift - Chair Lift

 
An almost meditative chairlift ride down the hill to the town of Assmannshausen. It was beautifully quiet (and slow), with only the ambient sounds of nature, such as the occasional acorn falling off a tree with an echoing

plonk

in the forest on either side of the ride. It was really quite enjoyable.
 
The operator was convinced that I was afraid of the ride (admittedly, he wasn't totally wrong), and he mocked me for it, even suggested that I should let "the man" (that would be Alex) carry my backpack for me. I thought that was kind of amusing (albeit in a slightly chauvinist sort of way).
 

He (the operator) also said that this chairlift was "safer than the funicular in Rüdesheim". Ha!  ;)

Oh, and another thing: at the valley station of the chairlift, you are riding

directly

over people's backyards and past their livingroom windows. It was oddly freaky (in a vaguely voyeuristic sort of way). I didn't like that at all, because it made me feel like I was intruding against my will. So weird. But also interesting.

Schifffahrt - Boat Ride

 
My first (and probably last) time on a boat. There were three interesting things, though:
 
1) When the boats were going downstream, they always took a hard "bitch slap" (as in

u- turn

) before landing, and then moved

sideways

for the final few meters. That looked like a skillful manoeuvre to me.
 
2) It was also interesting to see, how the river's current affects a boat. Going upstream was

significantly

slower than going downstream. (I mean, yes, obviously, but it was still interesting to observe.)
 
3) There were so many cobwebs. The kind that spiders use to air-travel. They were

everywhere

.
 

Also: The sound-system on that boat was really good. They had these occasional, pre- recorded announcements (you know, like "

if you look to the left, you can see

...") in both German and English, and everything was clear and perfectly understandable. Not like on a plane or train, where you can never understand a single word they are saying.

Burg Rheinstein - Castle Rheinstein

 
It was nice.
 
Just ... nice. Not too big either. Just a nice, "romantic" castle with a touch of questionable taste thrown in for good measure.
 
I kind of liked it.

All in all, I have to say that it was a really enjoyable day (oh, that rhymed). The weather was nice, too. Actually, it was unexpectedly hot with 23° celcius and a blazing sun.

(I even ended up with a sunburn on my forehead. A gawddamn sunburn, can you believe it! The last time I had a sunburn, I was 10 years old. Geeez.)

Also, everyone we had to interact with was rather friendly. That was a nice experience as well.
 

(The two silly photos below were taken on the tower of Castle Rheinstein.)

To close this blog entry, here is an edit of some of the video-snippets that Alex took along the way. The most  interesting parts are probably the panoramic view from the funicular and maybe the chairlift ride. (By the way, I didn't alter the speed of those rides.)
 

The music is a looped extract from the instrumental piece "HARVEST MOON (Cornflowers II)" from the album "CHILDREN OF THE CORN".

On the way from the parking lot to the funicular (that's the cable-car we were about to ride), I reluctantly took this photo that you see on the left (since I had to begin somewhere) ...

and

instantly

HATED

everything about it.
 
It was the old problem again:
 

1)

NONE of it seemed worthy of being photographed.
 

2)

Looking through the view-finder made everything appear even UGLIER (because smaller and further away).
 
... oh, yeah ... and ...
 

3)

There were always hideous people ruining the composition.
 
I told Alex that I was

done

(before we had even started), that I absolutely wouldn't take any more photos, and that I only wanted to

enjoy the day

.
 
 

So, that's what we did.

We decided to spend 22 Euros each (my travel budget for this year) and take the so-called

"Romantic Tour

", because it seemed to be the most interesting option.

It's on

, in case you're curious.

The castle had a giftstore, too, which (aside from silly kiddie helmets and shields with kitchy unicorns and dragons on it) also carried

Otfried Preußler's

children's book

"Das kleine Gespenst

" ("The Little Ghost") in both English and German. I thought that was a cute touch.
 

On that note, I used to have the audioplay of this on vinyl when I was little (until mother sold all my records on the fleamarket).

To this day, I can still remember the music that was on this album

. (But I cannot remember, what I did five minutes ago.) Anyway...

Once back home, I re-bought that record as a Halloween-gift to myself.

Ha! :))

Interesting sidenote: Two years ago, 41 people had to be rescued out of those gondolas in a large scale operation, due to a technical defect. Here is a short (German language)

of it.

Well, I

was

taking more photos after this one, but only because I still wanted to know, whether my camera was really working, and for this I needed to finish that roll of film.